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That's enough

2008-12-01T21:35:00.000-05:00

MY heart has been broken. There. I said it. It's over and done with.

Guess who's a homo???

2008-09-28T18:56:00.000-04:00

Clay Aiken.
Hah. Seems like he was the last one to get the memo :]
Of course, he was on the front page of People, like Lance. Big difference though, Bass was cute...Clay's baby is ugly >>

Anyways. What else is there to talk about...? OH! Lindsey Lohan is a lesbian! She has a girlfriend named Sam, I think. That was pretty interesting. That's about it though.

Hmm...Damn, I'm out of things to talk about. OH! Well, Homecoming was fun :] Kailey and I had dindin at Taco Bell, which was awesome. Then we went to that park by Sam P's house...Aberdeen? I don't know. It was pretty interesting though. Oh, and I'm soooo happy Marissa won :] That was so great! She really deserved it ;]

I really want to talk to someone...damn them...you can't take my fire away from me! I Was here first! BAH! just because they are new and shiny, they'll get all the attention. No, I kid. I don't even know what or who I'm talking about. Hah.

I will get some sort of award this year, I promise you this!! Someone will say my name. Gr. I'm bored. I need friends who like me. Hahaha.

You know what I've noticed though? If I put an interesting title and a boring note, I get a lot of comments? Interesting, no? AND OH MY GOSH! I pumped some lotion, and it made a heart!! I was really excited :]

I'm going to go look something up on wiki so I have something interesting to talk about...How about praying out the gay? Noo...

Palin is such a bitch :] Pro-Life, Anti-Gay Rights. I wonder if she'd let fags adopt? Hopefully not. I mean, if they can't marry or have spousal rights, why let them care for a child? That child's life will be so much harder with gay parents than in an orphanage, hopping from one house to another! Oh, how about if a gay man fathers a child, he no longer has any parental rights on that child, since he is obviously incapable of raising a child in today's society. Once you bring God into though! If you let gays marry, you yourself will go to hell. Shame. You are all fag enablers unless you kill gays! Gays are bad for our society!! Don't you realize this? GAY MARRIAGE KILLED THE DINOSAURS!

On that note, for anyone who doesn't know me, I was being sarcastic. My mom already thinks I hate the gays, I don't need more people thinking that. Well...I do hate some gays. Like Perez Hilton and Chris Crocker. and Clay Aiken, but that's a different story all together. You know what really sticks in my craw? When people try to out others before they are ready. "researchers say that suicide attempts appear to be related to "'coming out' at a younger age, gender atypicality, low self-esteem, substance abuse, running away, involvement in prostitution, and other psychosocial morbidities." (http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/gender/gayisok/gay_teens_suicide_attempts.html) Interesting fact. Yes, I do research every now and then so I at least SOUND credible. Hah. Still, I don't think it's appropriate for anyone to try and force someone to come out. I purely believe it is up to a person to decide when they are ready. Of course, if anyone knows me, I rarely ever fight for gays because I don't really...care...BUT I do care about issues that directly affect my life. Self-centered? Yes. Thanks. Anyways, I think I'm done now maybe...

Or are I? No, I'm not. College Applications suck ass. So does applying for a job. My nose is so stuffed up and my throat is so scratchy. I hate life. Excuse me while I go jump out a window. 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY!!

*ahem* Anyways...

I'm sure you all know by now how well I can stay on topic. Be proud.

Should I do swim this year? I really want to...but I don't know if I want to have to deal with the team. I mean...would it be worth it? I guess I'll wait and see what happens. As of now though, I think I will. Well, I'd like to. I guess we'll see...but I'm definitely doing LAX though. Hopefully. Depends on how well Bio is going. I need a tutor for that class. Any takers? I'd also like a tutor in calc. I'm not doing bad, but I'm not doing phenomenal. Unacceptable. I need an A in that class if any class at all. I should be able to bring my stats, religion, and english grades up to an A by the end of the quarter. Psych and Bio should be B's by then. I WILL get a 4.0 at least once this year, I don't care how hard it is, or if it kills me. I WILL BE SMART AT LEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE. It's hard to believe we're in heaven. Your mind is in Disturbia. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it. I wont live to see another day, I swear it's true. You fucking that girl next door, what'd you do that for? Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me. What songs are those from? And...GO!

I hope no one reads this. Hah. I like to talk about nothing a lot. Get on that. Smack that ass. I'd tap that shyt. I'm bored. I can't believe it's 5 already. I need to do my Bio write up. Fuck. I hate Pre-engineering! It's so stupid. Ugh. Anyone wanna walk with me wednesday? I hate walking alone, it's so boring =\

Anyways. You're all gay. Fuck you. Look up Colton Ford or Cazwell. New favorite singers. Not really. Hah, but they are pretty amusing. God, I'm sorry, that was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be...*hug*

Ever wanted to hide in the dark?

2008-07-07T22:34:00.002-04:00

I have never, EVER felt like this. All of a sudden life doesn't seem that great. I'm losing people and I don't like it. This is pretty much it. Someone just told me I'm too weak to be gay. I am. There's no way I can continue like this. So I don't like people touching me in public. So I feel sick when I see a little girl point at me and tell her mom there's a fag behind them. I'm weak, I get it. I'm not the best person. I'm weak. Too weak to do anything to change my life. Too weak to end it. I'm just swirling in the desires of a gay man in a straight life. I'm just happy I have support from friends. Since I don't have family, friends are all I have left. I don't have understanding friends, but they're all I got.

Lord, grant me the strength.

D:

2008-06-25T18:14:00.000-04:00

My Sandman, something something, make something something something....

EXACTLY! I had a fun night last night...ask me what happened ;D

Gosh, that is sad

2008-06-12T09:37:00.002-04:00

So, why is it that I just find men in their 30s to be so unbelievably attractive? It's not much fun because they are all like...10 years older than me. It sucks. When I Get older though...ooooh yeeea ;]

No, but seriously, I hate the dentist. That pointy stick thing they shove between your teeth? Not fun. And my teeth are really tight on the bottom, so they basically kill my mouth while trying to clean it. Fucking hurts like hell. The dentist was cute though.

It;s hard to concentrate when my cat is going ape shit crazy whenever I make the slightest movement...Not to mention I didn't get much sleep last night. I slept over at Michelle's and slept in Alex's bed with Michelle. How does that make sense? I'm hungry too. I wasted my money on chinese food and now I'm broke. There's nothing to eat in my house and I'm starving!!!

I finally get to play tennis again today. I'm so excited. You do not know how much I love to play tennis. I just wish I had someone to play with that was at the same level as me. Most of my friends never played before so they all suck. Except for Chantal. She's really good. I'm going to play with her later today hopefully.

Which brings me to another thing. What the hell is up with the gas prices? During summer nonetheless. I finally get the freedom to go places and I'm stuck home becuase of the price of gas. I hate it. Annoying as hell.

I have a major headache from lack of sleep so I'm going to go get hopped up on drugs. And by drugs I mean Benadryl. I lied. I got up to see how it was spelled and found out we have motrin. Woohoo.

Porn ftw. :]

Very...very short post

2008-05-13T16:19:00.001-04:00

I might actually update like...more than once every 5 months soon. But I doubt it. I've been really busy with school and Lacrosse...actually, I'm almost late for Lacrosse...>.> Goddammit, where are my shorts?

Anyways, my last game is Thursday at the CAT at 7:15, so if you want to come see me beat down people with my tiny stick, come please. It's senior night and I actually want a big crowd for them =\ But, monday next week, I am DONE with Lacrosse for a little under a year...>.>

I can't wait till tennis starts, like, for real. I love tennis. I haven't gotten to play it much lately and it bugs me.

I had a scary dream about zombies last night...it had a lesbian in it...(I round up from 50% :P "House" makes me lulz)

Dairy Queen

2007-12-07T16:06:00.001-05:00

That explains it all D:

I'm so not in love

2007-11-26T19:05:00.000-05:00

So, I came to a horrible conclusion this Thanksgiving break. I don't know what KIND of love it is, but I in fact am in love which someone. To whether or not I will ever fully admit what kind of love it is, that is behind closed lips. I WANT to think it's because he's like a father to me, and what I'm feeling is just fatherly-son love, since I've never really felt like that towards my own dad. Even if it is because I actually "love" him, he shall be no more than my second father, and I'm 100% content with that. In fact, I wouldn't ever have it any other way. I feel sick to my stomach over all of this, but I don't know what to do about it. I can't very well control it, and I've never nor will I ever act on it, but it just feels like I've done something wrong, and I probably have. Anyways, no one will ever know who he is, if he;s someones father or older or younger brother because I will not give that out because I know if I do, my life would be Hell, so we'll keep the cat in the bag for now.

How about school? Well, everyone thinks I have retarded sinuses because I told everyone I had allergies and that's why my eyes were wet...heh, let 'em believe it. If they knew I was crying...meh, who the hell cares anymore? I hate Mr. Martin with such a fucking passion. He argues with people but has no basis for his arguments so he looks like an ass, which he is, and not only that, but he gives out mini projects and they are due in 4 days. We need newspaper for the projects, I get the newspaper on Sundays. Sometimes I'm without newspaper, and so I fail. I hate him. Just 7 more weeks and I'm done with him for good. I can't fucking wait.

I FUCKING TOLD YOU!

2007-10-26T22:47:00.000-04:00

Ugh...I'm am just NOT in the best mood right now. I don't know why, but talking to my friends never makes me feel better. I really need a friend. Anyone know of one?

And no, I'm not needy. Whenever I feel like I'm trying to get someone to pity me, I always stop and say something different, but when people say,"we warned you this would happen", it doesn't help any. So I went to a Catholic school and I didn't like it. That didn't prove you right. I don't like it because...well, I honestly have no real good reason for not liking it...just undertones I guess...

I'm really starting to grow distant from some old close friends...and the problem with it is that I don't mind it. Reggie for instance. I have talked to her for a long time, I've seen her once since the summer, and already it seems too much. I don't know. I'm changing, and it;s not like I'm going to change back anytime soon, and I don't want to =\ I'm not complaining about anything, I'm just putting my feelings out there, and if you hate me and say I complain all the time and that I'm annoying, don't read my shit. that simple. And if you just find me humorous, do me a favor and leave me alone. I don't care anymore. I feel like I don't have friends anymore, except for Chantal and Zuriq now. those are the only 2 I see anymore and talk to regularly, and I don't think Zuriq even really likes me, so that makes on friend. I have friends at CC, but not to the extent my old friends were.

I wish I could go back in time and just never go to City in the first place. It's just been a giant shit-stain on my life.

Friends

2007-10-20T17:47:00.001-04:00

So, my birthday was yesterday. I'm 17 now. I don't feel anything different about myself. In another year I'll be 18 and I'll finally stop growing, and I'll be looking at colleges, and worrying about my grades, and being angry at myself for having bad grades and not doing well on the ACT and the SAT. This year has been full of changes that have really opened my eyes. I finally see that City was NOT the place for me, and I finally feel like I'm getting something out of my education. I may not be that smart, but I'm smart enough to realize when I'm not learning. City just didn't provide the best high school experience, and I hate them for it.

I never thought I'd admit it, but I really do miss my brother...and that's all I'll say on that subject.

My Viola skills have been lacking as of late...I haven't been practicing enough...or at all some weeks. I need to seriously work on that. I CANNOT lose another career choice. My future is looking pretty bleak from this side...

I watched Silent Hill yesterday at Chantal's, and now, once again, I'm scared out of my mind to turn my lights off...and I'm home alone tonight...I need friends who live closer to me...and my cat doesn't help. I think she can tell when I'm scared and she'll just freaking run around making loud noises and scaring me. :<

Well, my first fear of going to Catholic Central has now subsided. I have not seen "Him" more than 3 times since school has started, so I think I'm pretty safe. For now. Ugh. I'm a horrible person :P and I like it

I can't find anything actually meaningful, so I'll stop and post again in 3 months...kidding...it'll probably be 6 with swim coming up :P

My old cynical self?

2007-08-24T00:15:00.001-04:00

Yes, he's back and it looks like he's staying, at least until Monday. The reason? Oh, funny you should ask. Let me just say that you probably wont understand and say I'm over reacting, but for me, this is a low blow. Even for my mom.

I told her about this convention I wanted to go to 3 weeks ahead of time, she said it'd be fun and that she'd take me. So I planned and planned, hoping not to mess anything up because this was the best thing that has happened to me, ever. Well, my mom was concerned with school starting that week and stuff and I told her if she didn't want to take me, to tell me. She still said she would, and I was the happiest little elf there was.

Then, on Monday this week, I find out the Paul is showing up on Sunday (now keep in mind that Paul is the only reason I had to go to THAT convention, I mean, how could I not?!) And then my mother has to say, "Well, that's inconvenient because your brother is coming home from Chicago on Sunday and has to pack and I want to spend the day with him, and I don't want to spend the whole day in Chicago". So, NOW she decides that it might not be all that much fun. She puts my brother ahead of me, yet again even though this is a once in a lifetime thing for me, and my brother is going to be home the VERY next weekend, and she's going shopping with him and spending time with him. I'll be sitting at home wondering how many pills I could take just to make me linger long enough to put her in debt so much that she has to live on the street. You may be thinking, "Oh, but you're brother is going to COLLEGE! That's MUCH more important than a silly convention!" No, it's not, he;ll be an hour away. He'll be home almost every weekend to piss her off just enough for her to yell at me while I sit under my sheets and pet my cat who is scared to leave my room and eat. And no, I'm not exaggerating. My cat has been scared of mother so much that she wont leave my room, and I have to bring in her food for her. And how does I get rewarded for not waking her up at 2 in the morning, or for not doing drugs and drinking? I get to lay in my bed wondering, "Is she lying again? she wont really get a knife this time, will she?" Exaggerating again? Nope, she has threatened her 7 and 9 year old sons to kill them in their sleep. My mother is a wonderful person, isn't she? She's fine for maybe 10 minutes after she gets home, but after that, she just yells, and yells, and after awhile she gets that, "I'm going to speak softly, but you know that when you come home, there is going to be a horses head in your bed" type of talking.

I can't wait until I get to move away for college. My brother gets to leave me ALONE with her for two years. I get to be yelled at, even though my brother does things 10 times worse. He drinks, he smokes, he chews tobacco, and she knows that, and doesn't care. Makes me wonder if she'll think the same thing when I yell "I'm gay"

Fame is a coming

2007-08-13T15:51:00.001-04:00

I've decided how I'm to become famous. Don't laugh, but I've decided to act. I know it's a crap shoot, one in a million, but see, that's why I have 2 other back up plans. Let me go into detail, because it's my blog.

Ok, so acting is my number one choice, but I think I'm going to minor in it and take some voice counseling stuff on the side during college and what not because everyone tells me my voice sucks. during college I'm going to start looking for an agent and stuff so I don't graduate and say, "well....now what?" I want to act in anything scifi or comedy because I just love them. I might also do romances, but only well written ones because those are one in a million. This also plays into my plan on befriending a few certain actors...who are 20 years older than me, but age is just a number. Since I'll be "trying" to go to college in Scotland, I'll hopefully be able learn Gaelic and will be able to do a Scottish accent, which I'm sure will be of some help in my career. Hopefully.

My other ideas to become famous is by being a soloist musician. The only problem with this is that there aren't many people who know any recent classical musicians. And I will only become famous by playing classical because I can only play the Viola. I might take up the piano and acoustic guitar in college, but I'm not sure about that. Maybe the flute on the side, but that would just be for my resume. Once I get recognized there, I can start traveling and seeing the world, and being cool altogether. I would most likely major in this because it's just...I don't know, I just have the feeling I should.

My other idea (I have one more after this) was to become a teacher. I know I wont be famous for it, but it's been a passion for me. I would minor in Scottish history and try to get a job in a high school after majoring in teaching. With this plan, I can still meet stars at conventions and stuff. I'll probably end up living alone though. That's my only problem with this plan.

My last plan, which could end me up with a certain famous person would be a professional athlete. I don't actually have to major in this, do I? I wouldn't think so. I'd probably play tennis, or swim. I've been thinking about taking up Rugby too though because I need a spring sport for high school. I probably like this idea second only to the acting one. I'm actually a fan of football, which is weird because I'm so dainty looking. Which is completely misleading, I'm a very strong person and I'm though, so don't mess with me. Kidding, but I'm really a kind/tough guy. I'm the nerdy jock who watches out for the other nerds. If they're cute.

~Completely new subject here~
Sorry, but this has been on my mind and so I want to write about it before I forget it again. The perfect man. What? A man? But aren't you a guy? Why yes, I am, glad you noticed. Now that THAT is out of the way (I hate using caps, it makes things look so juvenile) My perfect guy would have: (a list? Yes. You are so weird. I know, thank you. Now, onto the list)

-He has to be shorter than me. I don't care if it's an inch, or 6 inches, he just has to be shorter than me. I'm 5'11" ish so > or = 5'10"

-Hair is a big thing. I like brunettes. I used to like blonds, but I discovered I only like unnatural blonds. I know, it's weird. The hair has to be short or medium, none of this hippie crap.

-Blue or green eyes. I don't care either way. I really just don't like brown eyes. Yes, I myself have brown eyes, and that's probably why, but I don't care.

-Big feet. Why? You know what they say about guys with big feet. Hah, no, I just like guys with bigger feet for some reason, I don't know why.

-Smile. His smile has got to have two things, it has to be cute/sweet but at the same time, have this underlying sexiness about it. Not overly sexual, but you know what I mean.

-I forgot...Damn you Lisa...OH! Right. He has to be funny. This is the one thing I cannot let go. Anything else on here can be changed (almost) but he has to be able to make me laugh. Or at least other people.

-As for his body, none of this rippling muscle thing. That is icky. I prefer some meat on my man! Now, muscle is good, just not overly. I prefer cuddly to....well...anything else I guess?

-I keep forgetting...I blame Lisa, I'm talking to her as I'm writing this...RIGHT! He absolutely must not smell horrid. He can smell horrid after we've been going out for awhile, but while we are still getting to know each other...I'd like to think he's trying his best. Now, burps and what not, I don't mind. But if you smell like you haven't showered in days *coughcough* Then we have a problem. I, by the way, smell fine. I'm not asking for anything that I myself can't deliver.

See? I'm not picky.

Best wishes,
Anthony

I'm sorry, but I have to draw attention to this

2007-08-12T17:45:00.000-04:00

Now, normally I don't read fanfictions all the much because...well, it's fiction stacked fiction and that annoys me, but this one was actually very well down. Scottish Rain
I just can't help but love this. I think it's one of the very few fics that actually get characters close to spot on. There wasn't excessive SLASH, which I hate, nothing ruins a good story like, "And gripping his hard cock". That my friends is the worst thing possible to EVER put in ANYTHING that isn't specifically stated as pornography.
Like I've said, I haven't read much fanfics, so I don't know the literature makeup as well as others, but I'm fairly well briefed in short story literature, and I do believe that this one is worth mentioning. I promise I wont ever mention these things again. But if you like Carson, Rodney, or Star Gate Atlantis, I suggest you check this out.

Becoming Jane

2007-08-12T04:40:00.000-04:00

This movie was absolutely horrendous. I'm not to "diss" other movies, so to speak, but this movie made me regret spending my friend's mom's money on it. Not only did we have to sit front row(Because this was the only theater in the WHOLE city that was playing it), but the people behind kept whispering to each other on who was cute and who was ugly.

You may think this is completely biast, but I assure you, it is not. If the movie had entertained me enough, the noise behind me would not have been so annoying. After sitting in a chair for 2 hours, I cannot remember a single name in the movie except for Jane, because her name was in the title. There was absolutely no character development in the movie what so ever, the only characters that got any big parts were the main character, Jane, her annoying lover, and the lady who plays some role in the movie and is played by Mcgonagall. Just the fact that I can not remember these names is a sure sign this movie was not enticing at all. I usually like chick flicks, and was looking forward to this one, even though I had no idea what it was about before hand. I honestly would've rather watched a movie about the longest baseball in the World. If you liked this movie, you are most likely one of those types of people who find romance the prime deal in movies. "As long as a movie has a handsome prince and a princess, I'm sold." First of all, the "prince" in this movie was not very attractive at all. Secondly, I thought throughout the whole movie that the nephew and her deaf brother were going to get together with the looks they were giving each other. I don't know if that was just bad acting, or me looking for a subplot to focus my attention on. Either way, that was a lot more in-depth than the original plot was, so I focused all my attention on that.

This movie was 1/10

Don't see it with your girlfriends, they will hold your hand and cry. (My friend has a boyfriend and I laughed at him afterwards because she was holding his hand throughout the whole movie. Can you say "AWWW!")

Best Wishes,
Anthony

My thoughts on Carson Beckett(Paul Mcgillion), Rodney McKay(David Hewlett) and Star Gate atlantis(♥)

2007-08-11T14:57:00.000-04:00

Ok, this is my first post, and I have no clue what I'm doing.

First of all, I'd like to draw attention to my utter confusion, and if anyone has any comments on how stupid I am, feel free to post them.

I'm a BIGBIG fan of Star Gate Atlantis and am one of the many fans who is royally pissed off about the write out of Carson Beckett. Since the write out, I have been devising a plan to meet the man who brought my favorite character to life, Paul McGillion. He is appearing at a convention in Chicago, IL, which is 3 hours away from me (I live in Michigan), and I plan on attending, but since I'm extremely short on cash, I wouldn't be able to afford an autograph, or a photo-op with him, which is extremely depressing, and with school starting the week of the convention, my mother is very hesitant on letting me go. I am now subscribed to a gigantic amount of convention websites, waiting to see if he will indeed be at any convention near me any time soon. I am looking for one that also has David Hewlett because I love him too. Their characters make up all that I love about Star Gate Atlantis. Their friendship is played out so well, that sometimes, I like to forget it's a television show. And then reality hits.

I realize this show has been on for almost 4 years now, but I've only been watching it for two, and in consequence am only on season 2, because Fox is behind or something (same thing happened on Buffy) and have not seen the actual episode where Beckett dies, "Sunday", which I am all too happy for. I watched numerous tributes on Youtube about it, and from what I can tell, I am going to be horribly depressed for a LONG time after seeing it. The last moments of Beckett are the worst, his last line, "Take care of yourself Rodney" and McKay's response, "Goodbye Carson" make me all mist-eyed just thinking about it. How could the producers kill him off in such a well thought out way? I must say, I am horribly stupefied at it, but at the same times can't be mad at the writers because they did it so tastefully.

Despite my age, I am as active as I can be in the SaveCarsonBeckett campaign, even though at the same time I can't help but be against it. I would love nothing more(besides meeting Paul) than to see Carson Beckett return to Star Gate Atlantis, but at the same time, I have to wonder, is it possible to do it tastefully rather than have it be a botched attempt and have Star Gate Atlantis ruined? I always pretend the answer is yes, but many times I have seen shows bring back a character and from then on, see the show plummet into the oblivion. I do hope to see Paul McGillion return to the set, as long as it is his desire he is going back, and not just because of all the fan support. If there was a clear statement from him that he had no desire to return to the show, I would give up my wishful thinking, and return to my mundane lifestyle of playing tennis/swimming everyday of the year, and studying to be an actor.

Now, with that being said, I wish those at MGM/The Scifi Channel/Universal/Paul McGillion/David Hewlett all the luck in the World in continuing their success.

Best Wishes,
Anthony, beaugarcon, Raid1990