I FUCKING TOLD YOU!

Ugh...I'm am just NOT in the best mood right now. I don't know why, but talking to my friends never makes me feel better. I really need a friend. Anyone know of one?

And no, I'm not needy. Whenever I feel like I'm trying to get someone to pity me, I always stop and say something different, but when people say,"we warned you this would happen", it doesn't help any. So I went to a Catholic school and I didn't like it. That didn't prove you right. I don't like it because...well, I honestly have no real good reason for not liking it...just undertones I guess...

I'm really starting to grow distant from some old close friends...and the problem with it is that I don't mind it. Reggie for instance. I have talked to her for a long time, I've seen her once since the summer, and already it seems too much. I don't know. I'm changing, and it;s not like I'm going to change back anytime soon, and I don't want to =\ I'm not complaining about anything, I'm just putting my feelings out there, and if you hate me and say I complain all the time and that I'm annoying, don't read my shit. that simple. And if you just find me humorous, do me a favor and leave me alone. I don't care anymore. I feel like I don't have friends anymore, except for Chantal and Zuriq now. those are the only 2 I see anymore and talk to regularly, and I don't think Zuriq even really likes me, so that makes on friend. I have friends at CC, but not to the extent my old friends were.

I wish I could go back in time and just never go to City in the first place. It's just been a giant shit-stain on my life.

Friends

So, my birthday was yesterday. I'm 17 now. I don't feel anything different about myself. In another year I'll be 18 and I'll finally stop growing, and I'll be looking at colleges, and worrying about my grades, and being angry at myself for having bad grades and not doing well on the ACT and the SAT. This year has been full of changes that have really opened my eyes. I finally see that City was NOT the place for me, and I finally feel like I'm getting something out of my education. I may not be that smart, but I'm smart enough to realize when I'm not learning. City just didn't provide the best high school experience, and I hate them for it.

I never thought I'd admit it, but I really do miss my brother...and that's all I'll say on that subject.

My Viola skills have been lacking as of late...I haven't been practicing enough...or at all some weeks. I need to seriously work on that. I CANNOT lose another career choice. My future is looking pretty bleak from this side...

I watched Silent Hill yesterday at Chantal's, and now, once again, I'm scared out of my mind to turn my lights off...and I'm home alone tonight...I need friends who live closer to me...and my cat doesn't help. I think she can tell when I'm scared and she'll just freaking run around making loud noises and scaring me. :<

Well, my first fear of going to Catholic Central has now subsided. I have not seen "Him" more than 3 times since school has started, so I think I'm pretty safe. For now. Ugh. I'm a horrible person :P and I like it

I can't find anything actually meaningful, so I'll stop and post again in 3 months...kidding...it'll probably be 6 with swim coming up :P