Dairy Queen

That explains it all D:

I'm so not in love

So, I came to a horrible conclusion this Thanksgiving break. I don't know what KIND of love it is, but I in fact am in love which someone. To whether or not I will ever fully admit what kind of love it is, that is behind closed lips. I WANT to think it's because he's like a father to me, and what I'm feeling is just fatherly-son love, since I've never really felt like that towards my own dad. Even if it is because I actually "love" him, he shall be no more than my second father, and I'm 100% content with that. In fact, I wouldn't ever have it any other way. I feel sick to my stomach over all of this, but I don't know what to do about it. I can't very well control it, and I've never nor will I ever act on it, but it just feels like I've done something wrong, and I probably have. Anyways, no one will ever know who he is, if he;s someones father or older or younger brother because I will not give that out because I know if I do, my life would be Hell, so we'll keep the cat in the bag for now.

How about school? Well, everyone thinks I have retarded sinuses because I told everyone I had allergies and that's why my eyes were wet...heh, let 'em believe it. If they knew I was crying...meh, who the hell cares anymore? I hate Mr. Martin with such a fucking passion. He argues with people but has no basis for his arguments so he looks like an ass, which he is, and not only that, but he gives out mini projects and they are due in 4 days. We need newspaper for the projects, I get the newspaper on Sundays. Sometimes I'm without newspaper, and so I fail. I hate him. Just 7 more weeks and I'm done with him for good. I can't fucking wait.

I FUCKING TOLD YOU!

Ugh...I'm am just NOT in the best mood right now. I don't know why, but talking to my friends never makes me feel better. I really need a friend. Anyone know of one?

And no, I'm not needy. Whenever I feel like I'm trying to get someone to pity me, I always stop and say something different, but when people say,"we warned you this would happen", it doesn't help any. So I went to a Catholic school and I didn't like it. That didn't prove you right. I don't like it because...well, I honestly have no real good reason for not liking it...just undertones I guess...

I'm really starting to grow distant from some old close friends...and the problem with it is that I don't mind it. Reggie for instance. I have talked to her for a long time, I've seen her once since the summer, and already it seems too much. I don't know. I'm changing, and it;s not like I'm going to change back anytime soon, and I don't want to =\ I'm not complaining about anything, I'm just putting my feelings out there, and if you hate me and say I complain all the time and that I'm annoying, don't read my shit. that simple. And if you just find me humorous, do me a favor and leave me alone. I don't care anymore. I feel like I don't have friends anymore, except for Chantal and Zuriq now. those are the only 2 I see anymore and talk to regularly, and I don't think Zuriq even really likes me, so that makes on friend. I have friends at CC, but not to the extent my old friends were.

I wish I could go back in time and just never go to City in the first place. It's just been a giant shit-stain on my life.

Friends

So, my birthday was yesterday. I'm 17 now. I don't feel anything different about myself. In another year I'll be 18 and I'll finally stop growing, and I'll be looking at colleges, and worrying about my grades, and being angry at myself for having bad grades and not doing well on the ACT and the SAT. This year has been full of changes that have really opened my eyes. I finally see that City was NOT the place for me, and I finally feel like I'm getting something out of my education. I may not be that smart, but I'm smart enough to realize when I'm not learning. City just didn't provide the best high school experience, and I hate them for it.

I never thought I'd admit it, but I really do miss my brother...and that's all I'll say on that subject.

My Viola skills have been lacking as of late...I haven't been practicing enough...or at all some weeks. I need to seriously work on that. I CANNOT lose another career choice. My future is looking pretty bleak from this side...

I watched Silent Hill yesterday at Chantal's, and now, once again, I'm scared out of my mind to turn my lights off...and I'm home alone tonight...I need friends who live closer to me...and my cat doesn't help. I think she can tell when I'm scared and she'll just freaking run around making loud noises and scaring me. :<

Well, my first fear of going to Catholic Central has now subsided. I have not seen "Him" more than 3 times since school has started, so I think I'm pretty safe. For now. Ugh. I'm a horrible person :P and I like it

I can't find anything actually meaningful, so I'll stop and post again in 3 months...kidding...it'll probably be 6 with swim coming up :P

My old cynical self?

Yes, he's back and it looks like he's staying, at least until Monday. The reason? Oh, funny you should ask. Let me just say that you probably wont understand and say I'm over reacting, but for me, this is a low blow. Even for my mom.

I told her about this convention I wanted to go to 3 weeks ahead of time, she said it'd be fun and that she'd take me. So I planned and planned, hoping not to mess anything up because this was the best thing that has happened to me, ever. Well, my mom was concerned with school starting that week and stuff and I told her if she didn't want to take me, to tell me. She still said she would, and I was the happiest little elf there was.

Then, on Monday this week, I find out the Paul is showing up on Sunday (now keep in mind that Paul is the only reason I had to go to THAT convention, I mean, how could I not?!) And then my mother has to say, "Well, that's inconvenient because your brother is coming home from Chicago on Sunday and has to pack and I want to spend the day with him, and I don't want to spend the whole day in Chicago". So, NOW she decides that it might not be all that much fun. She puts my brother ahead of me, yet again even though this is a once in a lifetime thing for me, and my brother is going to be home the VERY next weekend, and she's going shopping with him and spending time with him. I'll be sitting at home wondering how many pills I could take just to make me linger long enough to put her in debt so much that she has to live on the street. You may be thinking, "Oh, but you're brother is going to COLLEGE! That's MUCH more important than a silly convention!" No, it's not, he;ll be an hour away. He'll be home almost every weekend to piss her off just enough for her to yell at me while I sit under my sheets and pet my cat who is scared to leave my room and eat. And no, I'm not exaggerating. My cat has been scared of mother so much that she wont leave my room, and I have to bring in her food for her. And how does I get rewarded for not waking her up at 2 in the morning, or for not doing drugs and drinking? I get to lay in my bed wondering, "Is she lying again? she wont really get a knife this time, will she?" Exaggerating again? Nope, she has threatened her 7 and 9 year old sons to kill them in their sleep. My mother is a wonderful person, isn't she? She's fine for maybe 10 minutes after she gets home, but after that, she just yells, and yells, and after awhile she gets that, "I'm going to speak softly, but you know that when you come home, there is going to be a horses head in your bed" type of talking.

I can't wait until I get to move away for college. My brother gets to leave me ALONE with her for two years. I get to be yelled at, even though my brother does things 10 times worse. He drinks, he smokes, he chews tobacco, and she knows that, and doesn't care. Makes me wonder if she'll think the same thing when I yell "I'm gay"

Fame is a coming

I've decided how I'm to become famous. Don't laugh, but I've decided to act. I know it's a crap shoot, one in a million, but see, that's why I have 2 other back up plans. Let me go into detail, because it's my blog.

Ok, so acting is my number one choice, but I think I'm going to minor in it and take some voice counseling stuff on the side during college and what not because everyone tells me my voice sucks. during college I'm going to start looking for an agent and stuff so I don't graduate and say, "well....now what?" I want to act in anything scifi or comedy because I just love them. I might also do romances, but only well written ones because those are one in a million. This also plays into my plan on befriending a few certain actors...who are 20 years older than me, but age is just a number. Since I'll be "trying" to go to college in Scotland, I'll hopefully be able learn Gaelic and will be able to do a Scottish accent, which I'm sure will be of some help in my career. Hopefully.

My other ideas to become famous is by being a soloist musician. The only problem with this is that there aren't many people who know any recent classical musicians. And I will only become famous by playing classical because I can only play the Viola. I might take up the piano and acoustic guitar in college, but I'm not sure about that. Maybe the flute on the side, but that would just be for my resume. Once I get recognized there, I can start traveling and seeing the world, and being cool altogether. I would most likely major in this because it's just...I don't know, I just have the feeling I should.

My other idea (I have one more after this) was to become a teacher. I know I wont be famous for it, but it's been a passion for me. I would minor in Scottish history and try to get a job in a high school after majoring in teaching. With this plan, I can still meet stars at conventions and stuff. I'll probably end up living alone though. That's my only problem with this plan.

My last plan, which could end me up with a certain famous person would be a professional athlete. I don't actually have to major in this, do I? I wouldn't think so. I'd probably play tennis, or swim. I've been thinking about taking up Rugby too though because I need a spring sport for high school. I probably like this idea second only to the acting one. I'm actually a fan of football, which is weird because I'm so dainty looking. Which is completely misleading, I'm a very strong person and I'm though, so don't mess with me. Kidding, but I'm really a kind/tough guy. I'm the nerdy jock who watches out for the other nerds. If they're cute.

~Completely new subject here~
Sorry, but this has been on my mind and so I want to write about it before I forget it again. The perfect man. What? A man? But aren't you a guy? Why yes, I am, glad you noticed. Now that THAT is out of the way (I hate using caps, it makes things look so juvenile) My perfect guy would have: (a list? Yes. You are so weird. I know, thank you. Now, onto the list)

-He has to be shorter than me. I don't care if it's an inch, or 6 inches, he just has to be shorter than me. I'm 5'11" ish so > or = 5'10"

-Hair is a big thing. I like brunettes. I used to like blonds, but I discovered I only like unnatural blonds. I know, it's weird. The hair has to be short or medium, none of this hippie crap.

-Blue or green eyes. I don't care either way. I really just don't like brown eyes. Yes, I myself have brown eyes, and that's probably why, but I don't care.

-Big feet. Why? You know what they say about guys with big feet. Hah, no, I just like guys with bigger feet for some reason, I don't know why.

-Smile. His smile has got to have two things, it has to be cute/sweet but at the same time, have this underlying sexiness about it. Not overly sexual, but you know what I mean.

-I forgot...Damn you Lisa...OH! Right. He has to be funny. This is the one thing I cannot let go. Anything else on here can be changed (almost) but he has to be able to make me laugh. Or at least other people.

-As for his body, none of this rippling muscle thing. That is icky. I prefer some meat on my man! Now, muscle is good, just not overly. I prefer cuddly to....well...anything else I guess?

-I keep forgetting...I blame Lisa, I'm talking to her as I'm writing this...RIGHT! He absolutely must not smell horrid. He can smell horrid after we've been going out for awhile, but while we are still getting to know each other...I'd like to think he's trying his best. Now, burps and what not, I don't mind. But if you smell like you haven't showered in days *coughcough* Then we have a problem. I, by the way, smell fine. I'm not asking for anything that I myself can't deliver.

See? I'm not picky.

Best wishes,
Anthony

I'm sorry, but I have to draw attention to this

Now, normally I don't read fanfictions all the much because...well, it's fiction stacked fiction and that annoys me, but this one was actually very well down. Scottish Rain
I just can't help but love this. I think it's one of the very few fics that actually get characters close to spot on. There wasn't excessive SLASH, which I hate, nothing ruins a good story like, "And gripping his hard cock". That my friends is the worst thing possible to EVER put in ANYTHING that isn't specifically stated as pornography.
Like I've said, I haven't read much fanfics, so I don't know the literature makeup as well as others, but I'm fairly well briefed in short story literature, and I do believe that this one is worth mentioning. I promise I wont ever mention these things again. But if you like Carson, Rodney, or Star Gate Atlantis, I suggest you check this out.